Jashira, I so spared you the camera today. I had a last minute decision to leave it at home, because I did not want to carry it in my jacket. So beware! Hahaha!
By the way, most importantly, Happy Birthday.
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I need to make myself less involved. Like seriously.
At the Athletics Office, I (may I repeat), I and not the gym manager or anyone else called for a meeting today. I really do not know if it is going to work out or create an everlasting effect, but I'm worried about this. I had to change the time of the meeting to accomodate. I am always accomodating to everyone else, and it leaves me no time for myself. It leaves me making excuses to forget important things (like picture taking on friends birthdays) and makes myself feel less important about me, because I'm trying to bring everyone else up to a new level (or at least show them the light).
It's hard to just turn people off at times. I say no, because I was taught to say no when you are not available. Honestly, I do not like being bored, and this is what I fear; boredom. Part of me wishes I was gym manager; meanwhile, part of me wants to enjoy being a college senior. I want to start planning out my future, be able to start saving for my own city loft, get that first job, which segways to the dream job. I feel like I have done everything I can with Athletics and the reason why I'm still there is that I'm trying to create some way of seeing another venue; find another spark of interest.
But, I also miss going to Anime Society; chilling, watching anime, and being a kid. I miss all these Student Council meetings, chilling in the Commons with friends and even occasionally going to the library and study, while listening to songs off the radio on WinAMP, or Y! Music. I miss taking naps. I miss going to the gym and playing basketball, even if it is just one game, I miss the comradery with the community on that level. Yesterday, I ran into Ralph, and he put it best, "Do you ever play basketball anymore?"
"Hey, today was the first time I worked out in the gym in over 2 months." The last time was when I did a plyometric workout with Alastair during the summer.
I miss being a student. I feel like that with my status and seniority, that I am more of an employee of debt to the Polytechnique, rather than paying my debt to Polytechnic University. I'm losing the scope of the University; an universe surrounding a broadened body of sea with a floatilla of life and vegetation of knowledge and opportunities.
It fell into home and love life. More-or-less, I felt that since school started, I really became bored with life, because I was being rid of every opportunity to enjoy it to help others accomplish their goals. They get there because I help; then I help myself to try to muster what's left. It left me more tired, physically worn than anything else. I still got it yesterday, when after work, on the 2 train, I fell asleep in Munchkin's lap. -_- >zzzz
So, I know I need to make some changes. May be tomorrow's meeting, pending if there is a big turnout, pulls a big morale with the employees; gives them motivation to want to succeed as workers, and I don't have to deal with myself entrenched in a downward spiral. I want the workers to help feel responsible for themselves so that not only they do not become like me when entrenched in the position I'm currently in now, but employee them for the opportunitees to succeed and grow as Athletic Dept. workers.
May be I will get the chance to grow to; be a better manager and be able to manage my time better. Like take pictures of 
To quote the Goo Goo Dolls "Iris":
I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
Ciao.
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